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I'm an Anti-Braker

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I’m an Anti-Braker

Guys, I wanted to let you know about a personal decision I recently made. I don’t really feel like discussing it, but I want to put my position out there. Please be respectful. This is a really long post, but please read the whole thing.

I’m taking the brakes off my car. This isn’t a rash decision, so please listen up.

A few weeks ago I saw a car accident - two people went through an intersection at the same time. Both slammed on their brakes at the same time and collided. Fortunately no one was seriously injured.

But then it occurred to me - if they had just gone through the intersection, they wouldn’t have collided. The brakes CAUSED the accident!

So, I decided to do my own research and what I found was *staggering*: Hundreds of people every year are seriously injured by unnecessary braking. One time, I was driving in the snow and I just lightly tapped my brakes and it caused my car to COMPLETELY LOSE CONTROL. My brakes could have very easily gotten me killed. Even more astoundingly is how often brake pads will warp and distort rotors, causing bumpy rides and squeaky wheels.

And you know what? I also found that decades ago brakes weren’t even used! People would control their vehicle’s speed with downshifting and engine braking. Maybe it’s just coincidence, but back when engine braking was used there were almost no automotive fatalities. There were NEVER brake caused car accidents.

After doing some more digging, I found a nefarious plot - Mechanics: The very people who we trust to work on and care for our cars - get PAID to install and change brakes! You might THINK they care about our safety, or our cars - but they’re just in it for the $49.99 brake pad installations.

So I talked to my Mechanic about taking the brakes off my car and I was disgusted by how poorly he treated me. He accused me of being ignorant, when I was the one that looked up how much rotational torque brakes can put on your rotors. He didn’t even know how much torque a rotor can take before being warped!!! He said “rotors are designed to be compressed, that it isn’t actually a problem” just completely dismissing me.

Then he had the NERVE to say that my personal choice had consequences, that I would affect everyone around me. Well I’ve had it with him, I’m looking for a new mechanic. The problem is that so many mechanics are bought and paid by the automotive industry that ALL of them are insistent about my car having brakes. Most of them won’t even look at my car for other reasons, saying that a brakeless car could cause damage to their shop and other cars. What a bunch of bullshit, they just don’t like those who believe in alternative braking techniques.

Now of course big government is getting involved, saying that I *MUST* have brakes. That this isn’t just about me, and that I could hurt people. What happened to personal freedom? What happened to liberty?

So all I’m saying is, do your research. Don’t just listen to the NTSB and big automotive. I made a personal decision for my family, we just said no to brakes. We’ll be using natural remedies like Gravity, and putting our feet on the ground to stop. After all, if that was good enough for me when I was on my bike as a kid, it’s good enough for my children in my car.

Please keep the comments respectful!
Legal Disclaimer: I am not a mechanic and should not be considered a valid source of information for automotive inquiries. 

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3444 days ago
This is a pretty great analogy.
Cincinnati, Ohio
3453 days ago
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5 public comments
3450 days ago
Good read.
Space City, USA
3452 days ago
3452 days ago
Not that making fun of antivaxxers will convince them, but this is a good analogy
Portland, OR
3453 days ago
Don't let the neoliberal "brakist" hegemony tell you what to do!
Brooklyn, New York
3453 days ago
I could never do this...
Charleston, SC

The Summer House Rules

1 Comment

Dear boys,

I understand the past week or so has been a lot of extra...togetherness for us all. I understand it has been heavy on the "let's kick it around the house while Mommy works and yells a lot" and light on the "let's get the hell out of this house before we kill each other," and believe me, I'm working on it. As God is my witness, there will be camp. Just probably not for all of you, and not at the same time, and regardless, we still gotta focus on not murdering each other anyway, probably, because REASONS. 

Again, I take full responsibility for my own failings here — I keep talking big talk about taking you places but then remembering that there are three of you and psyching myself out because being that outnumbered in public still scares the crap out of me — but I do think I have observed a few specific behaviors that I would like y'all to work on, both as a collective herd of wild animals and as individual special snowflakes. 

1) Cups. Boys, the cup usage situation is out of control. It is B-A-N-A-N-A-S, as the kids might have said 10 years ago. You may not believe this, but cups are actually reusable. I know! Crazy. Also totally bananas. Maybe G-R-A-P-E-S or P-I-N-E-A-P-P-L-E-S, even. 

But it is true. If you get yourself a drink of water, then take one swallow, the water and the cup do not immediately need to be hurled into the sink as UNCLEAN, UNCLEAN. And then a fresh cup is not required 20 minutes later for your next drink of water. Likewise, if your cup has juice in it, and you decide you would like more juice, you can simply refill the cup. The same goes for just about every liquid imaginable! And don't even get me started on the possibility of rinsing a cup out and then refilling it with a completely different beverage of your choice! IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE. 

2) Bowls and plates and utensils. See above, more of the same. I don't even understand what you're putting in and on all these bowls and plates — you appear to mostly be eating things directly out of boxes, snack pouches and other wrappers, given the evidence strewn all over the kitchen counter — but you've GOT to stop dirtying up an entire service for 12 every single day by lunchtime. If I unload the dishwasher and there are already more dishes piled up in the sink than will fit in a single load, you are using too many damn dishes. 

Yes, I could buy disposable plates and utensils, but frankly, I don't think the planet can handle that level of garbage. I mean, we've all seen Wall-E. Get it together, guys.

3) Toilet seat. Put it down. Come on. Also, AIMING. Please work on that. It's starting to get full-on public-restroom-in-the-subway up in here, and I really think we can do better. Let's at least shoot for "public restroom, but like, a nice one."

4) Toilet stuff, cont. This technically only applies to one of you, who I shall not call out by name but I think we all know who I'm talking about, but for the love of God, going to the bathroom does NOT require you to fully strip off your shoes, pants and underwear every. Single. Time. Particularly if you then require assistance to get your shoes, pants and underwear back on every. Single. Time. This Bizarro George Costanza stuff needs to stop, immediately. 

5) Speaking of pants, cont. While I would very much prefer that you refrain from answering the front door without my presence and okay — it's not just a safety thing, but also we keep getting Jehovah's Witnesses and I'm tired of politely explaining that we're not interested because we're busy worshiping Xenu Satan — at the very, very least, if you DO open the front door, please make sure that you are at least wearing pants. Okay, fine. Please just have underwear on, bare minimum. See? I'm flexible.

6) Stop fighting. Stop fighting. Stop fighting.

7) No, seriously. Stop fighting.

8)  Stop...I don't know. Doing whatever you're doing that's making him scream like that. Are you looking at him? Then STOP LOOKING AT HIM.

9) Seriously. I have no idea what happened or who I should punish but SOMEBODY is going to their room, okay?

10) The next person who whines about being bored and/or having nothing to do will get two (2) grade-appropriate math worksheets printed off the Internet to complete as a non-optional activity. So. You know. Maybe go play outside while I stay here, quietly morphing more and more into my own mother, because I said so, because somebody's gonna get hurt, because you were not raised in a barn, because I am not your maid, etc.


Your Mother

P.S. So apparently we also should have discussed why you don't spray people who are inside the house with the garden hose from outside the house. My bad. Clear oversight on my part, OBVIOUSLY. I will amend this list and get you an updated version later. Let me just rinse out my wine glass. 

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3681 days ago
I so love this blog. Th cups part still sort of applies to us. As does the naked part...a small bit. But boy does this take me back. Way back to 36 months ago where so much of this resonates. In the famous words of someone....it gets better.

Cincinnati, Ohio
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